dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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