: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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