ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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