Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
