I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
