i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
