Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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