I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
