You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
