my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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