I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
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A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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