it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
