I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
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A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
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I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"