i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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