And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
