at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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