im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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