What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
