But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
