I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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