she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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