I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
