i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
