Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
