I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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