are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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