I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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