The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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