She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
