he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
