I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
