walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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