peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
