I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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