I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
