i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
