For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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