It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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