8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
zippers are such a cool invention
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
