woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
