he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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