I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
