I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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