I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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