but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
