My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
