if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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