why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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