Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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