i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Iām vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We canāt have people throwing up again!
Donāt get me wrongāI love silver and braceletsābut handcuffs are not a good look on meā¦
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