you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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