i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
