i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This baby is an asshole
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
