its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
