turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
