I showed him my bush... on skype.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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