I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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