it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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