PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
