i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize