I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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