It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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