I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
