I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
