I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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