you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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