I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
