No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
