The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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