i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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