Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
