Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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