The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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