dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
