I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
