Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize