your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
