just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
