first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
